The jump
by designislife1
Summary: "You know if you do this you'll die." She snorted. "Well, yeah, that was sort of the idea." Stydia


**My first Stydia fanfic! kind of intimidating, actually. I hope I did them justice :)**

She wasn't sure why she had gone there, from all the places she could choose from, standing alone on the cold and empty bridge, looking at the dark water below.

All Lydia Martin knew was that everything had been too much, the pressure building inside of her ever since Allison's death had kept on growing and growing until it came a time when she couldn't breathe, didn't even want to try. It happened with the little things, a note in her locker she had forgotten, a shirt of her friend from the time she changed at her house. Small details that could shatter what little control was left in her and that would leave her breathless, clutching the object that had once belonged to Allison as if she could bring her back to life with mere force of will.

But as it turns out, nothing especial had happened that day. No memories, no objects, nothing different than the daily routine. And yet she had walked home, turned on the lights and the empty house had been too bright, too dark and too loud at the same time and she couldn't take it anymore. She had ran to her car, driven off and away from her house until the streets swallowed it whole.

Then she had kept driving.

Lydia pressed her hands into the metal rail, the cold biting at her palms but she didn't mind it, she just wanted that horrible feeling inside of her gone. Maybe the water could swallow it too, maybe in the deafening roaring of the current she wouldn't hear her mind so loudly.

Her heart was pounding wildly when she swung one leg over the rail, and then the other until all that was separating her from the water was a jump. She didn't want to do it, and yet she did. A part of her still kept begging her to go back, leave the moist air for the comfort of her warm car. But if she went back, what would wait for her besides an empty house full of memories? She racked her brain for a reason not to do it, but they all seemed so insignificant at that moment. There was nothing but her and the water, and the hot tears that rolled down her cheeks, leaving before she jumped.

"Lydia?" Scared, she clutched the rail harder. She knew that voice all too well and was afraid of what she would do or wouldn't do with him there. Stiles shouldn't be there, it was supposed to be her, alone, nothing more. She didn't like this, he had to leave.

"Everything is fine," she said and almost laughed at herself. Even at her last moments she would go down pretending things were easy, that she was alright. He wouldn't leave otherwise, even though a small part of her wished he didn't. No, he had to go. "Just… go away."

"What are you doing?" _What does it look like I'm doing?_ She wanted to spit out, but his voice sounded closer and she moved away from it. He had to leave.

"Be careful! For Christ sake… Just…."

"I said I'm fine, Stiles. Leave." Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Why couldn't he let her have this?

Instead of giving her peace and letting her jump calmly into the water, he did the stupidest thing she could think off. He joined her on the other side of the rail.

"What are you doing?!" She turned around this time to see him almost slip and fall, and her hand reached out to keep him from going down. Great, the last thing she needed was to worry about him too.

"So, the view is nice from here." He commented nonchalant, examining the river and the bank below.

"Don't be stupid, go away you'll fall."

"Alright," he shrugged. "Come with me."

"No."

"Well then this is going to be one awkward conversation."

"Stiles…" She laughed, almost hysterically because she could imagine him falling off while trying to get her back on the bridge, and the pain that caused her made her chest go hollow. _Not him, not him and Allison, please not him._ "Just, please, please go back."

"Not if you don't come…"

"But I don't want to go with you, Stiles! Ok?" She snapped, letting go of his hand. "So just go away."

"You know if you do this you'll die."

She snorted. "Well, yeah, that was sort of the idea."

"And you know that if you do this," he said firmly, "I'll go after you."

"That's the stupidest thing you could do _." I'm giving you nothing, let me go_. She pleaded _. Let me go._ But the look on his face told her he wasn't going anywhere.

She wanted to cry, to yell until her lungs burned empty.

"Why can't you let me have this?" She murmured, her certainty slipping from between her fingers with every second she spent talking to him. She had been so sure of her decision, convinced that this was the only way to make it all go away, and now she knew nothing.

"Because I know you would regret it the second you did."

She shook her head. "You don't know that _, I don't know that_." She looked at him, at his hope and sadness, so afraid of falling his knuckles were white from holding so still. "You can't do this now Stiles, not now. You'll get me off this bridge and you think you are helping me, but you are not because I have nowhere to go. I have nothing, so please I'm asking you to leave me."

"Lydia, if you have _to ask me to leave_ is because you have someone." _Don't listen to him_. A voice inside her told her, he was lying, she had no one, not since Allison, maybe not even before that. "Don't you think Scott would be here too, had he found you? Or your mom? Derek? They would all be here, not just me, and none of them would leave because you asked them to. You have something, you'll always will."

"No." She shook her head. How could she hate and want words so much? She knew he was lying, or even so that he was wrong, but the thing was, she didn't want him to be wrong. Lydia wanted to believe there was something she could hold on to. "No-"

"You know it's true." He reached for her hand and she let him hold her, knowing nothing would happen, not that night at least.


End file.
